--- title: "Sex With Peyronie's Disease" description: "Practical guidance on sex with Peyronie's disease: positions, pain, talking to a partner, body-image shame, and when avoidance becomes the real problem." lang: en json-ld: | [ { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "Person", "name": "Paul R. Nelson", "jobTitle": "Licensed Mental Health Counselor (NY), Licensed Professional Counselor (CT)", "email": "paul@franktalk.org", "telephone": "+1-646-535-3133", "url": "https://franktalktherapy.com/about", "sameAs": [ "https://www.instagram.com/franktalkwithpaul/", "https://maps.google.com/?cid=1028244695779196009" ], "worksFor": { "@type": "ProfessionalService", "name": "Franktalk Therapy & Consulting", "url": "https://franktalktherapy.com" }, "hasCredential": [ { "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential", "name": "Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC)", "recognizedBy": { "@type": "State", "name": "New York" } }, { "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential", "name": "Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)", "recognizedBy": { "@type": "State", "name": "Connecticut" } }, { "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential", "name": "AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator" } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "ProfessionalService", "name": "Franktalk Therapy & Consulting", "url": "https://franktalktherapy.com", "email": "paul@franktalk.org", "telephone": "+1-646-535-3133", "areaServed": [ { "@type": "State", "name": "New York" }, { "@type": "State", "name": "Connecticut" } ], "founder": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Paul R. Nelson" } }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "FAQPage", "mainEntity": [ { "@type": "Question", "name": "Can you still have sex with Peyronie's disease?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Most men can, and do. Whether penetration works depends on the direction and degree of the curve and on whether there is pain, and often it is a matter of adapting position rather than abandoning intercourse. If penetration is genuinely blocked or painful, that is important information for your urologist." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Which positions work best with a curve?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "It depends on the direction of the bend, so the honest answer is that it takes some deliberate experimenting. As a rule, positions that let the curve follow the natural line of entry, and that let you control angle and depth, tend to work better than positions where a partner sets the angle." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "What should I tell my partner?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "The name of the condition, that it is a scar tissue problem and not something you caused, that you are being seen for it, and what actually hurts. Partners almost always fill silence with a worse story: that you have lost interest, or that someone else is involved. Plain information is a relief, not a burden." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Is pain during sex something to push through?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "No. Pain is information and it belongs in front of a urologist rather than being absorbed quietly. Working through pain also teaches your body to associate sex with bracing, which is a hard pattern to undo later." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "When is avoidance the real problem?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "When months have passed with no sex and no conversation about it, when you are managing your partner's expectations rather than talking to them, or when you notice relief every time an opportunity passes. At that point the avoidance is doing more damage than the curve, and it is the more treatable of the two." } } ] } ] --- [![FrankTalk Therapy](/__l5e/assets-v1/791852f2-474d-4294-bfbf-c5ac6322a947/franktalk-logo.png) ](/) [Home](/) Services [Therapy for Men](/therapy-for-men)[Sex Therapy](/sex-therapy)[Consulting](/consulting)[Couples & Partners](/couples-and-partners)[What We Help With](/specialties) Guides [All Guides](/guides)[How to Last Longer in Bed](/guides/how-to-last-longer-in-bed)[How Long Do Men Actually Last?](/guides/how-long-do-men-actually-last)[The Start-Stop Technique](/guides/start-stop-technique)[The Squeeze Technique](/guides/squeeze-technique)[Pelvic Floor Training for Men](/guides/pelvic-floor-training-for-men) Service Areas [Where We Serve](/areas-served) New York [Online Therapy in New York](/online-therapy/new-york) Connecticut [Online Therapy in Connecticut](/online-therapy/connecticut) Practice [About Paul](/about)[What to Expect](/what-to-expect)[Fees & Insurance](/fees-and-insurance)[FAQ](/faq) [Waiting Room](https://doxy.me/franktalktherapy)[Talk to Paul](/contact) # Sex With Peyronie's Disease [Home](/)/ Sex With Peyronie's Disease Guide Almost everything written about Peyronie's is about the plaque. Degrees of curvature, injections, grafts, devices. Very little of it is about the actual thing that brought you here, which is that sex has become complicated, or painful, or has stopped. This page is about that. Position and practical adaptation, pain, what to say to a partner, the part where you cannot look at yourself, and the point at which avoiding sex becomes a bigger problem than the bend. Diagnosis and medical treatment of Peyronie's belong with a urologist, and pain or a deformity that blocks intercourse needs to be reported there. Paul is not a urologist and not a physician. His work is the sexual and psychological side, alongside that care, and this page is squarely that work. ## Practical adaptation Start from the direction of the curve, because that determines everything else. An upward bend, a downward bend, and a lateral bend each favor different positions, and what works for another man online is not information about you. Two principles do generalize. First, let the curve go with the angle of entry instead of fighting it. A bend that points into the line of entry is far more comfortable than one being levered against it. Second, keep control of angle and depth with you, at least at first. Positions where you set the pace let you stop the moment something is wrong, which lowers the bracing that makes everything worse. Beyond that: go slower at entry than you think you need to, use more lubricant than you used to, and give yourself permission to change position mid-encounter without it becoming a referendum on the whole thing. Manual and oral sex are not consolation prizes; for many couples they carry the sexual relationship through a treatment period and keep contact from disappearing entirely. Work this out in low-stakes conditions rather than in the middle of a loaded encounter. Trial and error on a Tuesday afternoon beats trial and error when both of you are already anxious. ## Pain Pain is common in the earlier phase of Peyronie's and often eases over time, but while it is present it deserves to be taken literally. Pain during erection, pain at entry, and pain in a specific position are three different pieces of information, and your urologist should hear about all of them. Do not push through it. Men do, routinely, because stopping feels like a failure in front of a partner. The cost is that you teach your body that sex means anticipating pain. Once that association forms, erections get less reliable and desire quietly drops, and you are dealing with two problems instead of one. Say it out loud in the moment. "That hurts, let me change position" is a sentence adults can use. The alternative is a partner concluding they did something wrong. ## What to tell a partner Most men tell their partner far too little, far too late, and then are surprised by how hurt the person is. Understand what silence looks like from the other side: sex stopped, you flinch at touch, you are on your phone reading about something you will not discuss, and you say you are fine. The stories a partner builds from that are always worse than the truth. Give them four things. What it is: scar tissue in the tissue around the erectile bodies that makes an erection bend. That it is not caused by anything either of you did. That you are seeing a urologist, or are going to. And what specifically hurts or does not work, so they are not guessing. Then say the part that actually matters, which is usually some version of: I still want you, I have been avoiding this because I am embarrassed, not because of you. That sentence resolves more damage than any position change. If you cannot get through it alone, that conversation can be prepared for, and it is a normal reason to book a session. ## The shame and body-image layer This is the part men will not say in a urology appointment. That you avoid mirrors. That you check the curve constantly and hate what you see. That you feel deformed, or unmanned, or like damaged goods. That you have decided in advance that no new partner would accept this, so you have stopped dating. That you feel ridiculous being this upset about it, which adds a layer of shame on top of the shame. None of that is unusual and none of it is weakness. Peyronie's lands on a part of the body that most men have quietly attached their sense of adequacy to, and it does so without warning and often in middle age, when a lot of other things are already being reassessed. It also distorts perception. Men consistently rate their own curve as more extreme and more noticeable than it measures, because they are the only person examining it daily under maximum self-criticism. This is workable. Not by pretending the curve is fine, but by getting your sense of yourself out from underneath it, which is what therapy for this condition is actually for. ## When avoidance becomes the bigger problem Avoidance always starts sensibly. Wait until the pain settles. Wait until the appointment. Wait until the treatment finishes. Each postponement is reasonable and the total is a year without sex. Watch for the markers. Going to bed at different times on purpose. Feeling relief when a chance passes. Having stopped talking about sex at all, including as a joke. Managing what your partner believes instead of telling them what is true. Reading about devices at midnight instead of going to bed with the person who is already there. At that stage the curve is no longer the main event. Avoidance has become its own condition, it makes erectile function worse, see [Peyronie's and erectile dysfunction](/guides/peyronies-and-erectile-dysfunction) and it corrodes a relationship faster than any physical symptom. It is also, honestly, the most treatable part of this whole picture. The clinical page is [Peyronie's disease and sexual confidence](/specialties/peyronies-disease). If your urologist is handling the plaque and nobody is handling this, that gap is what Paul's work fills. Sessions are available to men in New York and Connecticut. This page is education, not treatment, and reading it does not create a therapist–client relationship. If you are in crisis, call or text 988. FAQ ## Frequently asked questions Can you still have sex with Peyronie's disease? Most men can, and do. Whether penetration works depends on the direction and degree of the curve and on whether there is pain, and often it is a matter of adapting position rather than abandoning intercourse. If penetration is genuinely blocked or painful, that is important information for your urologist. Which positions work best with a curve? It depends on the direction of the bend, so the honest answer is that it takes some deliberate experimenting. As a rule, positions that let the curve follow the natural line of entry, and that let you control angle and depth, tend to work better than positions where a partner sets the angle. What should I tell my partner? The name of the condition, that it is a scar tissue problem and not something you caused, that you are being seen for it, and what actually hurts. Partners almost always fill silence with a worse story: that you have lost interest, or that someone else is involved. Plain information is a relief, not a burden. Is pain during sex something to push through? No. Pain is information and it belongs in front of a urologist rather than being absorbed quietly. Working through pain also teaches your body to associate sex with bracing, which is a hard pattern to undo later. When is avoidance the real problem? When months have passed with no sex and no conversation about it, when you are managing your partner's expectations rather than talking to them, or when you notice relief every time an opportunity passes. At that point the avoidance is doing more damage than the curve, and it is the more treatable of the two. Still have questions? [Contact us](/contact) Book a Session ## You are allowed to still want a sex life Having the curve treated and having sex again are two different projects. This is the one that gets neglected. Private, direct, and no explaining yourself first. [Talk to Paul](/contact) Related ## Keep reading [ ### Peyronie's and Erectile Dysfunction Why the two travel together, and why treating only the curve leaves the ED behind. Read more ](/guides/peyronies-and-erectile-dysfunction)[ ### Peyronie's Disease Treatment Options What the medical options are, who provides them, and what none of them fix. 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